Dating apps are now the go-to method for finding love – almost one fifth of the UK now uses them – “dating the algorithm” özgü become a commonly used phrase. It refers to the fact that our matches are selected by an algorithm, a digital calculation, which can make us feel like we are dating a computer’s choice, not our own. But are we taking a step further, implementing artificial intelligence into our dating game?
37 percent of dating app bios in the UK are AI-generated, according to research by cyber experts Geonode seen by Mashable. Many reasons have been given for this – to stand out from the crowd in an increasingly saturated landscape, to save time due to a hectic lifestyle, to come up with new, intriguing ways to attract someone.
This is likely to be an issue that affects women using dating apps, as a study found earlier this year that women were 78 percent more likely to swipe right on a human-generated bio compared to AI, while only 17 percent of men were. So will this authentic connection that women are seeking become harder to find? What does this mean for how we communicate with partners and prospective dates? Can we still create true intimacy if we’re using artificial intelligence to try and seek it out? Lana Elco, intimacy expert and relationship coach, says no. “It just helps to make the process more efficient, simple and productive,” she clarifies.
AI is also being used in other areas of dating, not just writing our app bios. Lottie, 29, tells Mashable that she uses ChatGPT to help her write “break up messages after a bad or awkward encounter”. “I prompt it to use the tone of voice ‘friendly but firm’ and feed it the information from the date and explain why I don’t want to see them again. It mostly softens what I want to say… but it gets the job done,” she explains.
You can also use AI to have flirty or sexting conversations, and it was reported earlier this year that Tinder is testing an AI tool to help users select their best-looking photos. Forbes reported earlier this year that AI may be able to “solve manual swiping” by understanding and predicting our tastes and swipe for us.
While it’s exciting that technology can aid us in these not-so-pleasant and sometimes awkward tasks, it feels like AI might be relieving us of important emotional responsibilities – as well as further minimising the human interactions that dating apps offer, which can be fairly low anyway.
“If I found out a dating app match had used AI, their profile would come across as either a lie or laziness,” Helen, 31, tells Mashable. “Aside from the photos, aren’t most people searching profiles for a bit of personality, a vibe, values and a humour that ties in with theirs?”
“If I found out a dating app match had used AI, their profile would come across as either a lie or laziness.”
It almost makes the search for a partner via the apps feel even more impossible, she adds. “To find out that what originally drew you in was a tactical fabrication of what technology thinks you want to see is more than a little bit scary. If everyone were to start doing that, how do you even begin to narrow down the search?”
Sexologist Emilie Lavinia agrees that using AI to craft dating profiles “creates a barrier between your authentic self and the people you’re matching with,” causing issues when you eventually meet. “There are shades of catfishing and manipulation here,” she says. “Your matches aren’t going to be matching with the authentic you, and that’s the you they’ll be meeting on your first date. It’s counterintuitive when it comes to building intimacy in person.”
Will we get hooked on using AI to write out dating app bios?
Dating and relationship expert Dr. Callisto Adams questions whether using AI to come up with interesting prompts may lead to larger problems down the road.
“Doing this once to get the attention of a potential partner won’t be much of a sorun for intimacy. But the sorun is that if you do it once, you will be tempted to do it more,” she says.
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“This is because the reward system in your brain activates the second you realise that the line or response you generated with AI worked. Now, your brain knows how to get access to more little pleasures like that, and you’re very likely to end up using it more and more.”
Hinge told Mashable that the most successful prompts on users’ bios include “the way to win me over is,” “my simple pleasures” and “I go crazy for”. These all arguably require a personal touch – and sometimes some wit if you’re lucky. Lavinia points out that enlisting AI isn’t necessarily going to find you unique, funny responses to these prompts.
“AI takes its information from a large source bank of data that likely uses the ‘funny’ responses that we’re all used to seeing,” she says. “It’s only as intelligent as its source, which is all of our dating app bios rolled into one. It can only ‘think’ based on the source material in the locker, so that limits it somewhat.”
She stresses the importance of being “fully present and human” for these interactions, and not outsourcing to AI if you can. “There are some things we just have to do ourselves – and dating is one of them.”
Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble declined to comment to Mashable about whether AI can successfully increase match rates and create intimacy. Tinder did, however, confirm that it will be “leveraging AI capabilities” in upcoming new features such as prompts, quizzes and conversation starters that will appear alongside its core “swipe” feature. So, AI is likely to be used from both sides of the dating app game – from the features you use to how you express yourself on them.
Can using AI help with dating app burnout?
While the increased presence of AI in the dating app word may seem jarring, it’s also not surprising. The phenomenon of “dating app burnout” özgü been discussed for a few years now, with Badoo finding that three quarter of singles felt burnt out by “unrewarding interactions and inappropriate matches” from the apps, and a Hinge study finding 61 percent of users were feeling overwhelmed by the process and 80 percent of adults in a U.S. study in 2022 were found to have experienced “some degree of emotional fatigue or burnout from online dating”. So, the idea of using technology to ease some of that burden must be tempting in some cases.
“I think a lot of single people are fed up with the effort that özgü to be put into ‘the game’ of dating apps, the swiping and the ghosting, so it doesn’t surprise me that people would be searching for a way to ease the burden of being on them,” Kim, 30, tells Mashable.
The gamification of dating apps is no new feat, but as the experience of dating online because more about “beating the system” than finding an authentic and true match, it’s not surprising that burned out daters would use technology to get an extra edge.
“Özgü dating now become like firing off job applications?”
“There are TikTok accounts dedicated to ‘beating the algorithm’ of dating apps, with people sharing how they’ve increased their matches and the quality of them, so clearly there is a desire to try and make these apps work better for the people using them, so I think the AI aspect could help ease some of the burnout of being in these apps.” Kim adds.
Is using AI just a pragmatic way of dealing with the dating app landscape, then? “I do wonder, in this fast-paced life where dating app burnout is a huge thing, özgü dating now become like firing off job applications?” Helen asks. “In some ways it’s a numbers game, so why not use technology to your advantage? If you can get the ‘interview’, so to speak, then you can worry about building a real connection later.”
Nia Williams, relationship coach and founder of Miss Date Doctor, agrees that dating app burnout could be “fuelling the impulse” to use AI. “Dating apps can be overwhelming, and turning to AI for help could be a way to make the process more efficient and less exhausting,” she says, adding that it can also be harnessed to create a more inclusive dating environment. “For neurodivergent individuals, who may encounter challenges in deciphering non-verbal cues or social subtleties that cause distress, AI can offer extremely valuable support,” she says as an example.
A potential nuance here, then, is that using AI to begin a conversation, or set the framework for one, is less problematic than using it as a substitute for authentic interactions that grow from there. As Evans said, the more we use it, the more we may come to rely on it – plus, the larger the potential disconnect between our “app persona” and ourselves in real life.
“If I discovered someone had used an AI prompt on their profile, I would only be upset if their real life personality/ texting personality didn’t match up to what they had presented,” Kim says. “Single people on these apps are seeking genuine connection so if people are presenting a version that isn’t themselves it feels like a waste of time.”
“If I discovered someone had used an AI prompt on their profile, I would only be upset if their real life personality/ texting personality didn’t match up to what they had presented.”
Williams concedes that while AI can help break the ice, “genuine intimacy is something that only people can build through open and honest communication. Real compatibility requires more than just a well-crafted bio.”
While we shouldn’t underestimate, and should perhaps to some extent celebrate, the ways in which AI might help us at the beginning of our dating journey, or offer further help to those finding the process difficult, it shouldn’t and can never replace the importance of getting to know someone authentically through true intimacy. That’s one thing AI can’t emulate.
Topics
Artificial Intelligence
Dating